


High School Never Ends

by anotherdirtycomputer



Series: Modern Day Benders [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Dermatillomania, F/F, Gay Zuko (Avatar), High School AU, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, M/M, Modern AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queerplatonic Relationships, Trichotillomania, bpd ty lee, bpd zuko, lesbian mai, modern with bending au, qpp maiko, trans boy zuko, trans girl smellerbee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 13:05:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14213778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherdirtycomputer/pseuds/anotherdirtycomputer
Summary: Zuko and the no good, completely garbage, absolutely shitty, fucked up day. (A prequel to the last fic: how Zuko comes upon Aang's letter and why he responds the way he does.)





	High School Never Ends

**Author's Note:**

> middle school me is quaking. this is everything ive ever wanted to write - im not super proud with it, but im putting it out there because it's healthy as hell to write self-indulgent nonsense, and ive always loved avatar, so might as well make up for lost time.
> 
> for a disclaimer w/ the mental health stuff, ive got bpd, and the other stuff i either would prefer not to disclose or have asked my pals that do! if youve got any way i could fix the more sensitive issues, hmu in the comments :p
> 
> also, sorry if the formatting is a bit weird, i tried to make it real pretty for like... an hour... and it absolutely refused to work with me. *sigh*
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

It’s 7:30 a.m., the bell for homeroom hasn’t even _rung_ yet, and already, Zuko is just having a Day™.

Mai leans against him by the lockers, laying a comforting hand against his forearm. The closest most people can get to Mai without her killing them is three feet. The fact that she gets so close to Zuko has convinced the school body of two things:

  1. Zuko is a wizard. A beautiful, emo wizard.
  2. Mai and Zuko are lovers and have been since freshman year. They’re _soulmates_.



Neither of these things is correct, but both Mai and Zuko have better things to do than inform an entire high school what _queerplatonic partnership_ is.

And, anyways, being the “scary goth couple” means people leave them alone, which is especially good on days like today, where Zuko needs Mai near him and everyone else far away.

“I didn’t mean to,” Zuko says, his voice harsh with barely-concealed emotion. He’s trying to whisper and failing, because his throat is tight with frustrated, guilty tears. “I _never_ mean to.”

“I know, Zuko,” To the average ear, Mai sounds testy, or annoyed, but Zuko easily recognizes this as her sympathetic tone. It makes it a little easier to breathe. “You wouldn’t do that to your uncle on purpose.”

“I wouldn’t!” He drops his eyes downcast, looks at nothing. “I love my uncle.”

“He knows that.”

“I know he knows.”

“I know you know he knows.” Mai cups his chin with her fingers, bringing his eyes up to meet her own. They’re soft as they only are for two other people, and she even smiles at him to try to cheer him up.

Zuko sighs, dropping his head on to her shoulder like the weight of the world has fallen on him. They have the same sense of humor, and although typically Zuko would smile and defer to what Mai easily assured him, today… Today is different.

He presses his face into the dark, thick fabric of Mai’s black outfit, something Victorian and macabre, and smells her Vanilla Death perfume. The sleeve muffles his sad whisper of, “I burned him.’

Mai presses her fingers against the cheek under his scar. Her face is uncharacteristically expressive, almost as open and sad as his own. “It was only _tea_ , Zuko.” Something in her voice implies he’s being silly, and he knows he is, but the rest is understanding and patient.

“ _Hot_ tea.”

He’d been a bit late getting ready this morning - he’d slept through his alarm ( ~~note to self: the new sleep meds work~~ ), then somehow torn a giant hole through the crotch of his best jeans while pulling them out of the drawer.

“What’s the difference?’ Iroh had joked after Zuko asked him, yelling through his bedroom door, to mend them. “There are already so many holes, I doubt any of your classmates would notice.”

Zuko hadn’t found it that funny at the time. He’d been in too much of a hurry, desperate not to miss the bus. Sure, he more than likely could have called someone (Sokka, maybe), to give him a ride, but Mai hated riding the bus alone - and he hated not sitting next to Mai in the mornings and having their morning snuggle.

He’d torn through his laundry, but all his other pants were dirty, so he had to wear a pair out of the hamper. He’d sprayed them with Lysol to try and make sure they smelled okay, but he’d sprayed way too much, and had to pull on damp, dingy, skinny jeans. Frustrated and impatient, he’d reached blindly into his drawer of clean shirts. _That_ was a mistake. He hadn’t noticed why untli later, but Zuko, a closeted gay, is now wearing his Ba Sing Se Pride shirt. It’s one of his favorite shirts, but it’s also one he can’t wear to school; being out at home and being out in the halls are two very different ball games, and, in Zuko’s opinion, his business doesn’t need to be the school’s business. Luckily for him, Mai always has a just-in-case hoodie in her bag, and he’d been holding his backpack to his front while he ran out the door and climbed on the bus.

That’s all something Zuko can handle, however. He’s a pretty tough guy - not any use in crying over spilled tea so long as you can make more, or so says Uncle Iroh. Usually, Zuko agrees, until the worst thing happened.

The worst thing, the big Day Ruiner™, happened between putting on his shirt and getting out the door.

He’d brushed his hair and teeth in record time, as if it were an Olympic sport and winning gold was the only way to assuage his coach’s fury, and immediately afterward, ran so fast down the stairs that he probably could have passed for an airbender. Iroh had been at the bottom, holding his morning cup of tea - that is, until he’d been wearing it.

The tea had been steaming hot, obviously just made and heated to Iroh’s perfect standarts. Zuko had gasped, turning back to apologize to his uncle, for bumping into him, when he noticed the new, wet stain on the front of his robes; Zuko had heard Iroh yell out in pained surprise, and now he knew why.

Zuko had felt himself pale, his eyes widen with horror. “Uncle,” his voice so loud, yet small. “I’m- I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry.”

Iroh was too kind. If it had been _him_ with tea down his front, Zuko would have been livid. Or, at least, he wouldn’t have been nearly as calm as his uncle. Once, he’d burned his own hand while working in the Jasmine Dragon, and the resulting panic had been… ugly.

Zuko is trained in martial arts _and_ firebending. His panic attacks are never pretty.

Iroh had soothed Zuko as best he could while still being positively scalded by the tea seeping through the front of his robes, and gently ushered his nephew out the door. Zuko felt unspeakably bad about leaving, and clutched his backpack to his chest like a lifeline as he made a beeline to the bus, where Mai waited for him.

Mai’s arms around him, then, had been grounding, and they still are. Her familiar smell and easy warmth bring him back to the present, and he pulls her closer again.

Zuko had _burned_ his uncle.

“He’s a master tea maker, Zuko, _and_ a master firebender. He’s been burned before. Probably spills hot tea on himself all the time.”

“I know,” Zuko repeats. He feels stupid; it’s not that big a deal. And yet, it’s a huge deal. Uncle Iroh is the one who stands by him through everything. Uncle Iroh is the one who held him as he cried in the hospital, newly disowned and injured. Uncle Iroh is the one who changed his bandages again and again. Uncle Iroh is the one that never punishes him for picking or pulling - the one that gently took Zuko’s hands in his own when the derma made picking at his eye and all the painful, burnt flesh around it a _necessary_ thing.

Uncle Iroh is the one who truly, absolutely loves him.

And, like Ozai had burned his son, Zuko had burned his uncle. He had burned him like, like-

Zuko presses his face impossibly closer to Mai, shivering. He thinks that maybe, _maybe_ , if he focuses entirely on her weird goth perfume, everything else will go away. The shame will leave. Uncle Iroh won’t look so angry in his head (a way he’s never looked). The phantom ache in his scar will stop haunting him.

“You’re okay, Zuko,” Mai tries instead. Her voice is sweet and gentle. It makes Zuko feel safe, but it also makes him want to cry, like the open care in Mai’s voice is somehow clogging his own throat, choking him. He swallows hard around the heavy lump of emotion and is held. “We can skip if you need to. If you want to.”

He would, just long enough to learn how to breathe again, but Zuko can’t miss any more days. And anyways, he wants to make up for the tea thing, and for the lackluster grades, and for the attitude he sometimes has. He wants to make Uncle Iroh proud.

-

There’s a test in Geometry that Zuko forgot to study for. By the time the bell rings and he’s turning it in, he’s only got a third of it done, and he knows half of his answers are wrong.

-

Physics usually goes pretty well - he’s lab partners with Sokka, who is funny, not to mention generally kind of a certifiable genius, but of course, it’s lab day and Sokka is out _sick_ or something. Zuko, frazzled and awkward and half-panicked, messes it all up and gets them _both_ a bad grade.

-

He’s late to history class after that, his worst subject, with the worst teacher, and gets reprimanded for it in front of everyone. Nevermind that the only reason he was late was because he was apologizing to Sokka via text.

He tries to sit down and take notes quietly, but as soon as the teacher resumes the lesson, _Jet_ starts kicking his chair. The lesson is about the Fire Nation conquering the other major cities back in ye olden days, and, being the only firebender in the class, Jet decides that Zuko is to be the target of his “patriotism”. Jet’s usually a decent guy, sometimes even someone Zuko calls a friend, not to mention one of the few openly queer kids at school, but ever since Smellerbee changed her schedule a few weeks ago, Jet has taken to making a nuisance of himself for the sake of “putting a firebender in his place”.

Zuko sighs, takes notes, and tries to avoid getting suspended.

-

Zuko hurries to gym class after that, hoping desperately it will be something simple. For a moment, he’s grateful - it’s dodgeball day, and Zuko isn’t terrible at it. Then he notices Toph on the opposing side, grinning maliciously, her unseeing eyes glaring at nothing.

As if the day couldn’t get any worse.

-

By lunch, Zuko is feeling, frankly, like absolute shit. Smellerbee speaks up less than a second after he sits down, asking him what’s wrong (more specifically, “Who died?”). Mai excuses them, pushing him to the nurse’s office, and forcing his phone into his hands. She doesn’t have to say anything; he knows she means to call Iroh.

He does, with shaking hands, and she holds him from behind the entire time, rocking him side to side in a way that reminds Zuko of awkward school dances. It makes him strangely nostalgic and calm, his uncle’s caring voice soothing all the awful thoughts and feelings he’s been having since he woke up.

He tells Uncle Iroh he loves him, and his uncle says it back, twice, and proves it with old stories of Lu Ten, of learning firebending, of his own childhood. Slowly, all the tension in Zuko’s body leaves, and he melts back against Mai. Some of the stories make Zuko’s scar sting, but they also make him smile, and by the end of lunch, everything feels like it’s going to be okay.

Zuko hangs up the phone feeling much, much better.

-

The rest of the day passes by just as badly, but Zuko is so much more prepared to deal with it all, and take care of himself to combat it’s horribleness. He debates, for a while, asking Mai if she’d be okay with kissing - he needs some TLC, but he doesn’t want to make Ty Lee feel jealous or second-best, and anyways, Mai only has so much touch time a day before human contact becomes difficult. He’s not about to monopolize all of her time just because he doesn’t feel good.

He decides he’ll leave Mai to her own devices, maybe even convince her to sit next to Ty Lee while he hangs over the back of their seat, because really, as much as he adores both Mai and her girlfriend, she’s already done so much for him, and the only thing he truly wants now is to go home.

-

Finally, 8th period comes and goes. It’s music class, which is his favorite, because it’s simple and fun, but the sound of the tsungi horn makes him miss his uncle. He leaves the band hall as soon as the bell rings, speeding to his locker like he never has before. All he has to do is grab his physics book so he can study tonight to make it up to Sokka, then he can-

When he opens his locker, a note falls out.

At first, he thinks it’s an old valentine - there are so many hearts and sticks all over it, it’s almost sickeningly adorable. He wonders briefly if it’s a gift from Ty Lee, but as soon as he picks it up, he knows it can’t be; the handwriting it different, and the hearts are red, not pink.

Zuko quints at the not-valentine, confused, and reads the loopy print.

_Zuko,_

_I’ve been meaning to write you something like this for a while now...but I’m just not sure what to say! You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re talented, you’re strong. You’re caring and creative and amazingly kind. But, true as all of that is, they’re compliments. They don’t really tell you how I feel about you. I’ve liked you for a long time, and i just know I’m going to like you for even longer. Every day, I look at you, and I’m torn apart by how beautiful you are. You make me feel totally crazy!!! I’m not going to tell you who I am yet, but I wanted to let you know how cared for you are. I wanted to let you know that, even when you feel undesirable, I’m here, y’know, desiring you. Never forget that, okay? I’m sorry if this letter seems weird, or makes you uncomfortable!_

_Love,_

_Anonymous_

For a long time, Zuko stares at the letter - so long that the only thing that gets him moving again is the sudden fear that he’ll be late for the bus home.

He doesn’t have the energy to deal with how fast his heart is beating, or how hot his cheeks are. Not today.

He folds the love letter carefully, putting it in his bag like he’s storing some sacred old relic, and jogs to the bus as best as he can.

He decidedly doesn’t mention the letter to Mai when he sits behind her and Ty Lee, and he avoids thinking about it almost the entire bus ride.

He’ll deal with it later, when he’s more equipped to handle this many emotions all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are a writer's best friends!


End file.
